Returning to Poland after 25 years

I haven’t seen my family in 25 years.

The family that raised me. The only family that knew me until I was 10 years old.

The family that loved me and cared for me. The family that kept me safe.

While exploring the deep-end of my emotional despair last year, I had realized that the silent pain in my soul was there as a result of being ripped away from my family when I was a small child. And what’s even more shocking is that I haven’t seen my family in 25 years. It was a part of me that I buried deep inside. It was a part of me that I tried to forget. In 1994, when I was only 10 years old, I immigrated to the United States from Poland. Even though I immigrated with my parents and siblings, I was also raised by my grandmother and aunts and I was deeply bonded with them. Their absence was a huge emotional hit for me. Communication across the globe in the 90’s wasn’t simple. Our only option for a long time was to write letters. And the pain of not being with my family grew. It grew to the point that I began to numb the experience. It was easier to move on than to live in it. And so I numbed the feelings. Buried them deep in the sea of my soul. Unfortunately for me, the feelings began to surface in other ways. They reappeared in my life as binge eating, anorexia and eventually huge emotional outburts and depression.

It was September of last year. And although I haven’t had a true binge in years. I would still emotionally crave foods. Around that time, I specifically craved glazed donuts. I couldn’t go one day without having one. I was pretty fed up with my donut eating routine and remember being desperate for a solution. When I seek, God listens, and soon I found a special tapping technique that not only got rid of my cravings but it helped me realize the reason behind it. You see, my grandmother would make donuts for us as kids all of the time. And when I tapped into my feelings behind the cravings, I realized that I had missed my grandmother so much. So much that I’d crave a donut every single day. I couldn’t believe the amount of sorrow that poured out of my soul in that session. I booked a flight to Poland that day, and I haven’t had a donut since!

Healing is possible. And I am here to show you how I healed and am still healing…

My trip to Poland was incredible. My family showered me with more love than I could have ever imagined. I don’t think they will ever understand how they healed me during that time. I was in complete bliss. I felt like I was in a time portal and I went back to being a small child. Everything was the same as I remembered it. Everything felt the same. It was exactly what I needed.

Why have I never visited? Plenty of families who immigrate to the United States go back to visit their homeland. Time simply flew by. The more I numbed my feelings, the faster time went by and the further away I felt. Until I couldn’t stuff my feelings down anymore. And I was forced to deal with them. As they were starting to show up in physical symptoms and illness.

Needless to say, I will be a frequent visitor now.

Enjoy the photo dump <3